Such a girl

I am realizing more and more just how much of a girl I am. I put on perfume and feel better about life. One of my favorite things is my shimmery and glittery lipgloss. And when it's warm, I love wearing skirts. Girl for sure. And I actually like that about me now. Like the little things in life that give life. Well add sparkles to the list. There is a lady who came into work who talks about "little luxuries" in life. Little things that are special. I can relate. I would rather have something that I enjoy than something that just gets the job done.

On a different note, but equally in the little things, why does coffee that you buy when someone else makes it seem to taste better? Or maybe it's the joy of getting it. What good experience though. I have a friday tradition now of stopping by my favorite cafe to get a coffee (and usually a muffin) on my way to work. And I get to see the same people working there each week. That is great and so important. Also, the other coffee shop that was close to our house closed, so I'll do my part to keep this one around.

I love listening to music too. Music and journalling is amazing, especially with some coffee and maybe candles. Good to just take time and reflect and be. How often do we waste time on things that don't matter but not take enough time on the things that do? Breathing in and breathing out. Everyone talks about how there is not enough time and somehow more would get done if we had more. Not quite true cause we won't get more, less sometimes perhaps. So what do you do with the time that you have?

Coming home from work, I was used to running around and being busy all day, then I drove home trying to get there as soon as possible to make it to my slot in the prayer room. Then slowing down was hard and took a little time. Interesting how we can get so wound up, at least I do. Just stop and breathe. And how you go about things changes. Like a car ride being a great time to listen to your music and chill cause you can't do anything to make it go faster.

Speaking of time, sometimes it can be so precious and those moments are worth hanging on to. Some of them can be so surreal too. Like last spring, I got to talk to my Grandma on the phone when we knew that she was dying. I didn't have time to go see her cause she may not have been there by the time I was around, so we had a phone call. What do you say when you know that that is the last conversation that you will have? Suddenly words are lost. What is there? "I love you. And thank you." That's it really. So surreal and heart wrenching, yet I am so thankful for that conversation. How special that I got to have a moment of a goodbye. How inadequate you feel at that moment. Did she know how much I loved her? Does it come across through the telephone lines? Did I express it enough while she was around? Could I have written more letters, or called more? Yes probably and yet she knew. She knew that we loved her. And that conversation was the end of that stage of our relationship. Really what do you say? Bye Grandma, I love you. And time stands still in the moment, like hanging up is too hard and just being there for a bit is all that is possible and needed. Who needs words when there are none to be had? I love you and thank you, really all the words that are needed.

Grandma believed in us. I know that. She loved us. It was so sweet that the last few years that she was around, she let us know more. She said that she loved us, she flew us home for Grandpa's funeral, so that we would be there with her. "I couldn't do it without all my girls." Sure Grandma, I'd be honored to be there for and with you. And I got to see her more in the last 6 months that she was alive than the few years before that. I am so thankful that I was in Michigan for a while and got to spend that time. That is when time is important and sweet and so hard at the same time cause this person that you love has a body that is not working up to the standard that it should be. And you knew that it was getting to be that time. And you prayed that it would be painless for her and that everyone would be able to let go, including her.

She bought me a computer, she bought me a really nice computer, saying that it would mean more when I couldn't afford it. That she would like to get to see me enjoy it while she was around. She made me scream when I found out that she was going to do that for me. People were asking what was going on and I couldn't talk. I love you Grandma and thank you.

Little Things

I love how little things can mean so much and be so fulfilling, like sleeping in, yeah. And good pajamas, good coffee, a giant blueberry pancake, reading my Bible, a run. What a good day! I love to be able to take the time to do nothing and yet the nothing is so life giving and restful and oh so important. A day without a schedule, lovely. And now off for a coffee chat in a bit. Good times.

I wonder how often we miss out on getting to know and love people because we don't take the time for them, don't take the time to get to know them past the "hey, how are you?" And yet we don't have all the time in the world either. So what to do? Notes to say you're thinking of them, emails to check in, skype chats, calls, getting together when possible. With all of our technology, I wonder if it keeps us better in touch with people who are far away, if it connects us when we are not in the same location. At the same time though, does it take us away from the people and the community that are right in front of us?

So taking time for little things, reading, walking, running, saying hello and sitting down for a cup of tea.

On my iPod

Who knew that there would come a day when I would be able to type a blog entry on my iPod? Craziness. Here goes nothing I guess. I heard that there is a woman writting a book on her iphone. I don't envy her. This is not that easy, though it auto-corrects which is helpful. There were people who came into work asking how to use the iPod touch that they had gotten for Christmas. They were stunned and excited about being able to check email on it; still amazes me too. Will the wonder of technology fade away? I suppose on some things it does.

Does wonder in life always fade, always need to be remembered and brought back? Without wonder, there's nothing to question. Plus it gives us a positive way to look at things, wonder, amazement, curiosity, amusement. Life wouldn't be as captivating without these things. Sometimes it does take a remembering though, remember when that situation, person, feeling, thought was new? How has it changed? A maturing in knowledge can lead to more depths in what the wondering entails, learn more that leads to more questions towards more insight which makes you wonder all the more.

Freezing

How does it count as a "high" if the temperature doesn't even make it to positive numbers? It somehow forgot to warm up. Coldest days is Wisconsin in a record number of years and I get to be here for it. Oh man. Sometimes makes me wonder why I moved here, I mean why didn't I pick a nice beachy spot? Maybe next time.

It is interesting in life now that I don't have plans for moving. There is no reason that I have to leave and as of yet, nothing calling me to move somewhere else. Look at me being settled. I even own furniture. (a chair and shelf, but you have to start somewhere.) The idea of having stuff is still not one that I like.

Yesterday, my family participated in quite a techy moment. My sister and Dad uploaded pictures to my public folder. Then my housemates were watching a movie on my computer so I looked at the photos on my ipod. Crazy world for sure.

There was a lady who came to the store yesterday and said she had a philosophical question. "If we are spending so much time learning technology and using it...... what are we not doing?" At first I didn't know, then she rephrased, "What would you do if you had more time?"

I would sleep more, run more, and read more books I think.

Then the conversation turned into one about how people are wanting more community nowadays, how technologies can separate people, how it is interesting that the most popular websites are the networking ones, facebook, myspace, etc. Are we still taking the time to get to know people in unplugged world. (maybe with some background music from an ipod, like the lovely Pandora radio that I am listening to now.)

How do we stay connected to people? Email, it turns out, is a good way to schedule time.....

Life without a cell phone

My phone died yesterday, as in it is out of battery juice and needs to be recharged. The problem arises that the charger is on the other side of town. Yes the other side, not in a different state or super far away, only about a half hour. There is a strange thing about Madison though, that the east and west sides might as well be the other side of the world. I always thought it was really funny that people would talk like the other side is so far and now here I am with a dead cell phone because I didn't want to take the time to go over there. To be far, it only died yesterday. And I will charge it tonight or tomorrow.

So for now, I am without a phone. A bit strange. Does make me realize how dependent I am on email anyway. But sadly the weekly Sunday Dad call has to wait until tomorrow.

I tried to get the Verizon guy to charge my phone. He didn't want the liability if it got stolen. Who's going to steal the phone that they give you for free? But I can understand I suppose. He was my hope and my try to get a phone for these days. Oh well.

That means that I didn't have my phone or internet when I was staying at my friend's house this weekend. Makes things quieter when you can't be reached. Not something that I am useful. Not that I get called all that often anyway or emails but still strange to feel cut off.

The Christmas rush

What is it about life that makes us not want to wait for anything? We've been spoiled by technology, by clicking buttons and having things happen. Also when we go somewhere, we expect service right away. Wait five minutes, no way. And yet at other times, five minutes feels like nothing and flies by way too fast. Hours can pass in a blink or 30 seconds can take forever. All about the perspective and experience.

Interesting too, when you are waiting in line, what are the odds that you will actually talk to the people around you? It makes the time go by more quickly and is more entertaining, yet I don't want to bug people or bump into that personal bubble (something that may be very needed during this season)

This week at church I got to the service a little bit after it started and sat down in an empty row. The other options were sitting on the end of a row next to people. I didn't want someone who was waiting for a loved one to have a rude interruption as I take their seat. I could have just asked, but you know the days when you don't feel like it?

Then I get confronted by this guy, "why are you sitting by yourself? There shouldn't be bubbles at church." And I agree, I think that it is sad, strange and yet comfortable to leave at least a seat between you and people that you don't know. But why do we do that? We don't want to be bothered by the other people or don't want to bother them? Which way?

So I moved, sat next to someone and have a new friend. Life is funny.

A soccer player

I am indeed a soccer player, a bit of a surreal experience really. Having never played before, except for a few kick around games, I now joined an indoor team. I show up to the first game and everyone else has shin guards and then I think, hmmm, that would be a good idea, and it turns out that it is required anyway. Who goes to play soccer and doesn't think of shin guards? Duh. I have some now so life is good and then I went to the store today to get some soccer socks. And the guy helping me asks, "what kind do you need?" There's kinds??? A whole new world I tell ya.

It makes me think of when people come into a new situation and how strange and odd and scary that can seem, like a new town or new to something that seems quite normal and familiar to me. I wonder how often I take the time to meet them where they are at. How often do we even realize when something is actually new and strange for someone else?

Wish me luck in soccer, I'm learning what all the whistling by the ref means and I am going to learn how to kick the ball more to where I would like it to go. So more learning..... (and hopefully not getting hurt and it would be nice if we won sometimes too.)