I tend to be a person who likes to know what is going on. When there is something new or coming, I like knowing about it, when there is something changing, I like the inside scoop and when there is a new adventure, I like to be involved. It is strange (though more normal really) when life does not lend itself to being figured out, when I don't know what will happen and have to wait and see. Also, when I don't know what things to commit to and what not to. How to know? Pray. Wait for pieces to fall in to place. Talk. Listen.
I am not a person who is that good at waiting. I get too excited.
Most of all though, what I am learning is that there is a great need to not take life so seriously. Not to worry so much. We can get stuck in having to figure out what is going on in our life, when really, we are such a small part of what is going on in the world. And that thing that seems big now, really will seem a lot smaller once it is over.
And overall life is good. There are a lot of things to be thankful for, and there is a God who knows more than we do, who knows what is going to happen, who loves us more than we can ever imagine. And because he loves us so much, we get to make choices in life. We have desires and dreams that have been placed in the depths of us, and we get to live out of that. To take risks, to have things not work out, to have dreams that we can't see being possible, to have surprises where what we thought was impossible is suddenly happening. And that is life.
Thoreau said that, "our truest life is when we are in dreams awake." I think dreams can be both exciting and scary. Exciting cause if we dare to think that it is possible, whoa, what a world that would be. And scary cause there are pitfalls and things that don't go the way that we want them to, or in the speed that would be preferred. Life as adventure, as seeing what can come, as looking for the best and dreaming of it.