Wednesday, 24 February 2010

If only we were in control.

There are times in life when you are not in control of what happens, circumstances that we don't have the final say in. There is something comforting in that, but also something really hard.

It is nice to have things out of your hands because there is a peace in knowing whatever happens happens and there is nothing that you can do about it. Things are in God's hands and you just have to wait and see. In this way too, things happen that we would not expect or sometimes turn out better than we anticipated. And sometimes I like the waiting, because things are still possible, and hopeful. Especially if I am worried that something will not work out the way that I would like it too, the not knowing is a good stage. But not a permanent one and not as good as the knowing when things turn out in a way that you love.

On the flip-side though, there is the waiting. The not knowing how things will turn out or where the pieces will fall. And the thoughts that if I could just have control of the situation, then I would know how things would turn out and the waiting would be over and the whole world would work the way that I think it should.

But alas. The not being in control is better. The waiting teaches trust. The stepping into situations without being in control, taking chances and risks, teaches boldness and living without fear. And then the outcome comes when it wants to. The pieces fall in to their places, for just a little while. Then things shift again, and there is more waiting and not knowing, more people making decisions about your life, more circumstances that need to play out, more opportunities that didn't used to exist but now do. And it begins again.

The key is to be okay and excited in the unknown as well as the known. To be able to live in the present, not pausing life until everything is clear. What a dance life is, circumstances, opportunities, people, challenges, joys, all moving in rhythm together, connected and parting, shifting and changing.

The choices that we make change the choices and chances that come after that. That idea used to scare me, like somehow we could mess up, make one bad choice, like there were a lot of right and wrong choices in life. On the rare exception there are bad choices, obviously there are ethically, and morally. Generally though, one choice leads us to a circumstance that may involve a different choice. All of the sudden there are opportunities that didn't exist before. And life is richer because of this.